Mental Fitness Coach, Angelo Melchiorre, joins me to discuss what it looks like to be stuck and in survival mode and how we can shift the inner dialogue and take action to make a change and start thriving.
Connect with Angelo:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amcoaching/
Mental Fitness Coach, Angelo Melchiorre, joins me to discuss what it looks like to be stuck and in survival mode and how we can shift the inner dialogue and take action to make a change and start thriving.
Connect with Angelo:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amcoaching/
How-to-Get-Unstuck-with-Angelo-Melchiorre
Britta Blanski :
Welcome to the LinkedIn Lounge podcast, a space where we dive deep into questions surrounding culture, community, employee engagement, employee experience and what it looks like to help be an active voice to improve our workplaces. Linkedin is an amazing place of connection and opportunity, so when you're willing to dive into that space and be a little bit vulnerable and lean into your authentic, genuine side when it comes to relationship building, you'll be surprised at what you find. So grab those earbuds, find a quiet space, and enjoy this conversation. Welcome to the LinkedIn Lounge podcast today I have with us Angelo Melchiori he is a recruiter turned mental fitness coach who helps you get unstuck so welcome to the show, Angelo, I'm so happy you're here why don't you tell us a little bit more exactly what it is that you do?
Angelo Melchiorre :
Yeah thank you Britta. It's it was a pleasure to meet you a little over a week ago and get connected and. You know, just the amazing power of LinkedIn, like how we got here today, getting on this podcast. So a little bit about me. So my journey has been for the last 12 years. You're right i was in recruiting. And I worked in an agency staffing world, so anyone that's not familiar with that, I was not at an internal company recruiting for one specific shop. I was in the agency world our clients were all over the place, mostly Fortune 500 clients. Also worked with some startups all across the country. So clients would come to us for very specific needs so over the last decade I've had tens of thousands of conversations with candidates. 10 times that amount of resume and LinkedIn views for candidates, coaching them constantly through the hiring process and coaching my teams as well i got into leadership around 2016 That's when my career really started to take off when it was the people side that really kept me in the business because I loved leading and coaching my teams and that was for the last seven years. I always viewed myself as a coach that was my style. I was with the team in the trenches. Side by side with them, not just telling them what to do, but guiding them, right, showing and facilitating their growth. And everyone on my team, I would tell them I don't care if you're with me for one day, one week, a year, 10 years i just want you to leave a better person. So that's when I looked at my job to do is just have a safe space for them for growth. And I knew that by them becoming the best version of themselves that they then would have more to offer at work and their personal lives. So that's why I I've thought my as myself were a coach for a long time and doing it on my own i just. Never took the leap of faith and you know, life happened for me recently i lost my full time job on July thirty first but to me, that wasn't just one day it was day one to tell the world I am a coach and I'm ready to do this on my own and I'm excited to be here so i can dive more into that, you know, if you'd like but I'll i'll pause there and turn it over to you for more questions.
Britta Blanski :
Yeah well, I feel like maybe some of our listeners might currently be looking for a job because maybe they were laid off or maybe they're looking for a pivot, given that their workplace has changed because of recent. I don't know i feel like a lot of workplaces are trying to pick back up speed from the pandemic and they're putting in place new policies that maybe their employees aren't necessarily happy with so people are like, all right, I'm not OK with this anymore and I want to change. Do you just have a word of advice or encouragement for them during this process since you were recently there, I know you said you know you went out on your own now and you're working for yourself, so that's one thing but coming from the recruiter side, if someone's currently looking for a job or looking to make a pivot and they're feeling discouraged, you just have something to shout out to them real quick.
Angelo Melchiorre :
Oh yeah, it's and mindset is everything. So you know, with me going to mental fitness now my lane that I play in, it's high performers who are stuck and are looking for more but you can be a high performer in any industry all of my clients right now, like they're from many different industries, so it doesn't matter so for job seekers, that's actually an area that I focus in as well i still wear that career coach hat, right so I've coached candidates through this process literally thousands of times from interview prep off for negotiation. Searching for a new job i was a partner to candidates so I never tried to force them or sell them into a job like I wanted a candidate to find the right fit for them, for their family so they would call me months later and say this is the best decision I ever made thank you and I've talked to candidates out of jobs that they wanted that I was offering because it wasn't the right fit and they thanked me for it later and. When I come back to saying mindset is everything for job seekers, it it's so difficult right now in this market that the reality is every market has its own challenges but this one, there is no rhyme or reason to it some people are getting jobs in a day a week. Some people are out of work for a month, two months, six months, a year i know someone's been out of work for two years actually, that I'm working with right now. And you have to get in that mindset that you are capable, you are unique, You're right opportunities out there. When you have the mindset that nothing's going to happen, I never hear back from recruiters why would anyone want to hire me? Like I'm just stuck Because you've been doing the same things over and over again for the last, you know, six months, not getting results but you know you have to stay in the game you have to believe in yourself and you have to have that confidence and that energy you're putting out people can feel it recruiters feel it when they talk to you hiring. When they talk to you. So perfect example would be actually someone that I know very closely. They put themselves in the job market recently and they just got two interviews and the language they're using with themselves, it just, it gave me chills because I was like, I love this i have to share with more people. He wasn't saying like, well, what if something happens i'm not sure if something happened like I've had interviews before, it's not really going to work out he's saying well. You know it. I got to decide which one I want to pick like talking like he has those two offers already and he's playing, He's teaching himself in his mind and he's like, I have these jobs to What are the pros and cons of each? Now someone may push back and say, well you know you're not going to get every opportunity that comes your way and I will say back to you, whether you believe you can or can't, you're probably right. So not every situation is meant to work out. You just got to, you know, trust that process because when you know as a can't, when you get frustrated, you tend to, you know, lay back on the effort and looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. And there's always a new tool or new trick out there and people are looking for that magic bullet, but it's not there. It's a bit recruiting is a very subjective game so everyone you talk to 100 recruiters or career coaches, they have 100 different ideas on what the perfect resume looks like and exactly what you're saying in an interview prep so something that I'd coach to anyone, not just job seekers as you do you. Ok there is so much advice in this world and content and ultimately you do you trust your gut and you'll be right so just believe you can do it first of all and find the evidence that you have found a job before. You know, you have probably got promoted or you know, you've shifted jobs and, you know, bettered your situation so you got to put yourself back in that and use some visualization techniques to put yourself in that future state, like you've already succeeded and your subconscious will actually start going to work for you. And yeah, I'm getting excited because again, I could talk about that stuff all day.
Britta Blanski :
Well, you said a word that I want to go back to and just pull out for a moment and dive into that so you said your energy is tangible and people can notice, you know, wherever you are, they can pick up on that so outside of the job search and you know, doing interviews and any of that, what can we say about our energy and I noticed this remember when we talked before hopping on this today, I was like, I love your energy on LinkedIn like I can just tell like I, you know, I saw your profile and your content and there, you know, I can say there was something about it, but maybe I can't necessarily pinpoint exactly what it is other than that it's a good positive exciting energy. So someone who's maybe feeling like man like my energy's just like it's not, you know, I would maybe I don't necessarily maybe they wouldn't say that it's bad energy, but maybe they just wouldn't call it great. What are like what do we do with that Like because they we don't want to i feel like we don't want to force it and be like, yeah, like positive energy it's just good because if you're not really feeling it, you know and sure, maybe you can fake it till you make it but how much are we faking it till we make it and how much of is it sincere and what can we actually do to shift that energy so that it becomes more positive?
Angelo Melchiorre :
Well, this is one I could talk about all day too so energy is everything that's actually a LinkedIn live I did a couple weeks ago and it was absolutely like through the roof with energy, so. If you're looking to shift your energy, one you have to be aware first of all, because if you're not aware of that energy you're putting out, you can't solve a problem you don't know is there. So number one if it's through awareness and how you gain awareness is first of all you just got to take a pause. Like, we're in we're in a whirlwind of life it's a hurricane. You know, if you have family, right and you got young kids or older kids, it doesn't matter you got a job, a lot of responsibilities. It's really hard to check yourself when you're just caught up in being busy, busy. So I am a huge proponent of. Journaling, meditation, mindfulness and just, you know, going for walks like I did today i took my air pods out and I just paid attention to I'm walking and I'm, you know, crunching on the leaves it's really nice fall day here in Pennsylvania. And, you know, I pause and just took some deep breaths and just like thought about how I was actually feeling. And when you do that, you can just really sense, like, what emotions are you having, right? Now, OK, so after awareness you're observing your mind and your body with curiosity, fascination and grace to see what's actually happening and not judging yourself if you're in that state where your energy is just you know and say maybe you're angry, you're frustrated, you're overwhelmed, you know you're you have a lot of self-doubt. That's not the real you. And we have feelings because of our thoughts, right we want to blame our circumstances, but circumstances are completely neutral. So the fact that there was somebody, you know, cut you off on the road, right and it makes you're like, oh, that person made me so angry i'm so frustrated them and you know, a lot of four-letter words you'll use to describe that person but. You have no idea what happened with that person maybe they have a kid screaming in the background like maybe just something happened where they didn't even see you, right. So it's your thoughts about a circumstance that give you that feeling so it's you reverse engineer it when you identify that you're in that state that's not useful to you. I don't really see it so much as like. Positive and negative, you know emotions because I don't want to get to this place for people where it's a toxic positivity. You know to your point you're not going to be like yeah, this is amazing. You know people can see when you're faking it and you're not genuine. Sometimes it's OK to just be neutral and just things just are so when you. Have that awareness again back to reverse engineering it you see that feeling well, it's like well what's the thought that I have about it. So there's some type of underlying belief there so say if you're a job seeker for example, because that's something we talked about earlier is that you know you may have that underlying belief, that self-limiting belief that it's like well I'm just not good enough like i'm not like nobody wants to hire me. And that belief now is driving you to have that feeling of. Selfed out. You're frustrated you're worried. And when we feel that way, we know it is a complete lie. So what you can do is now say, all right, well, I know that's a lie. Well, what is true? And you can just find some form of the opposite. So in this example, right, it's like you can just use past evidence. It's well, I have gotten jobs before. I've been promoted i've gotten raises i have good performance reviews so I am capable. I am enough. I just need some more opportunities and how do I get more opportunities i'm going to start putting myself out there more, all right and just get yourself out of neutral sometimes just like call friend, call family member, get someone to talk to and overtime right you're now you're shifting yourself into that state where you're like, I can do this, I'm capable, what if I can and then you can feel it in your body. That's when you take action don't take action when you're in that state, you know because you know the decisions you make when you're in that state. Usually, like our worst fear will come true because you're not putting your best stuff out there think about applying to a job you're feeling well you're not going to tailor your resume to the job you're maybe you don't do the cover letter that's required or the question pre-screening questions they ask you're like this just stinks i don't want to do this. But if you're in that state of feeling, yeah I can do this i have got these jobs before it's like all right I'm hyper focused i'm doing all the requirements even if you can say just upload my resume wire they asked me to input all of this information again which is garbage i agree. But hey, it's a requirement for that opportunity so just do it. Ok. So that that's a that's a longer way to shift your energy. The shorter way would simply be find something to just that's. It's a quick fix, you know, for your mood and for me that's going out for walks in nature, listening to music, listening to you know, motivational or inspirational podcast and you know, helping shift your energy that way that's the quickest way. But I like to start the long way first, because that's like more impactful for the long run.
Britta Blanski :
What if someone, when they're speaking to themselves, looking at past evidence, talks themselves out of it and says, well, it's circumstantial. Well, yes, I got the job, but only because, you know, I was in the right place at the right time and this person would have got it or they should have got it or. And they just kind of, like continue to belittle themselves like.
Angelo Melchiorre :
So that that's imposter syndrome in our inner critic at its finest right there but again, it comes down to, you know, awareness so when you see that happening, you just have to make a conscious decision and say that you're going to stop it and talk to yourself the way that you want others to talk to you, right would you expect your best friend to talk to you that way and start talking to yourself that way? So it is a vicious cycle because we have. Thoughts about thoughts, about thoughts, about thoughts. And the more you have those thoughts repetitively the more you're wiring your brain to just you know create that neural pathway so like a mind muscle, right so like mental fitness, you know, you're either working on, you know, muscle for positive change or for negative change and you're, you know, decreasing your strength. So that's what I would tell them is if you're going down that path, just you have to have something that's going to do a pattern interrupt. So have a word or a phrase that you say to yourself and acknowledge that like those thoughts aren't you oK so if it's impostor syndrome, be personally a huge tactic that I've worked with clients on and myself is. You know that inner critic we have a lot of people call him the judge or you know, the saboteur. I like to call my judge the dude, because it disarms that. Right and you think like, the judge is here, it's being negative it's trying to bring me down and like, I feel when you use that term, it kind of give gives it power, right but I say the dude, I'm like, what's up, dude? I know where this is going oK, I get it. You know i hear you when I see you. But not today i'm good here's my new thought. Insert what serves me that way you're not fighting those thoughts and you're not causing friction and creating a battle and why am I thinking this way and then right, you're guilting yourself over your own thinking so now you have a new, you know, pathway you're going down with thoughts so just simply awareness and just pattern interrupt.
Britta Blanski :
I love that just thinking like in my head, not today dude, not today, see you tomorrow or next week because of course you know it will pop up. So something that I loved on your LinkedIn profile that did catch my attention right away was the fact that you help people get unstuck. And in particular, you said, you know, you work with high performers. And I think maybe this is just my own association, but a high performer, someone who doesn't get stuck because they're extremely motivated and they know what they're working for and they have some sort of determination and they sure, maybe they're really hard on themselves, but regardless, like they are on a trajectory and they're going to get there. So what would you say high performers struggle with most like why is it that they get stuck or what is that they're stuck with?
Angelo Melchiorre :
I think high performers, they get stuck in that constant cycle of achievement. They feel that. No matter how much money they make, it's not enough. No matter what title they get, it's not enough. No matter what feedback they get, it's not enough. No matter what, it's not enough that that's the cycle that can wear you down South on the outside, you see people, they're high achievers, right it looks like they have it all together. They're crushing their goals, They're making more money, they're closing deals or doing big projects. But there's a lot of those folks out there that truthfully. They just feel stuck like me. I had it all too i was leading teams of like thirty forty people at one point running multi million dollar projects like had an amazing career trajectory but I just felt stuck because I knew there was more out there for me and I felt like I was working in a box and it couldn't be 100 %. Authentically me, I felt that I still had to play within the rules of the corporate world, which now I see was a lie like I could have been my true hundred percent % no matter what. But the story I told myself is you know what when I came out of squat a chip on my shoulder i got CS and DS in high school and I remember it in college, one of my lowest GPA. Was a 1-1 because I didn't care. I didn't want to go to school at the time so guess what? I just had fun and I went five years instead of four years not because I got some fancy degree, it's because I just had too much fun in the beginning. But when I really realized what I wanted to do and for me, I knew I wanted to get into a sales type role. And because I had a Commission based job in college, young kids dreams on washers, dishwashers, fridges at Sears, which I think there's maybe might not even be any left. Left in the in the USI don't know, but my degree was communication studies with an organizational communication focus so that had business classes and that kept me away from like the accounting and economics classes, which I didn't want to have to deal with. And I almost made Dean's list in my major because i just. I started crushing A's i love the professor's they loved me. Everything just clicked. But I knew. I wanted to prove everyone wrong, right like the story that I wasn't the smart kid, right. So I came in as such. It doesn't matter what your grades are like tests, whatever like this is academics. I'm going to make six figures i'm going to make that in less than five years. Well, I did that in 3 and a half years about and I was like, well, I always had this feeling of when I get what my I say that my goal is OK, 'cause when I set goals, I meet them OK And that's what high performers do we say no matter what, I will get that goal, whatever it takes. But we don't focus on the journey we just focus on the destination. And then when we get to the destination, it's like, you got this feeling that, wow, yeah, like, I think I'm gonna, when I get there, I'm gonna ride, I'm gonna know it. And I remember looking at my W2 and being like, could have been more. And then the next year I made more i set another goal, OK, beat it, could have been more, could have been more. And then just every year I made more money. And then I'm like, i don't know, like it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And I mean, I can tell you I made more money than like anyone in my circle, but like didn't like, change me. But I was just like you know, I felt I should have been doing more, right should have been leading larger projects, should have had, you know, more titles, should have had, you know, more reviews and I felt like I was lucky and, you know, didn't deserve it so that's the imposter syndrome, you know, right there. So it's a, it's a nasty, nasty game in there and you know, a lot of people who reach out to me, they do use the word like, I just feel stuck, OK Like I talked to somebody recently they're like, I, you know, last year I was like number six in the entire company, you know, billing X amount. Now he's like, I can't even tell you where I'm at like, I don't even know if I can do this anymore. And they and then they kind of stopped believing in themselves like, I'm just stuck i just know I need to do something he's like, but I just don't know what. So like, what's coaching? You know, like, what can you do for me? So there's a lot of areas that high performance can get stuck in but really it's just that. And if that rat race they put themselves in, that hamster wheel of just the destination's always changing so I'm helping people realize, like once they have to realize it themselves that there's more out there. And then when they know that, it's like, where do I go? Ok, so someone like me so I can help them be more present with their families. That's the biggest thing high performers struggle with i feel like is that, you know, we're focused on our achievements and we go home to our families and what are we thinking about those goals we have the work that's on our plate we have to always be busy because it's more and more and more and more and more it's not enough and before you know it, you missed you just miss out on your family time because you're not really there And anyone who can feel like, you know, people feel that you know and that goes across any industry. So there's, yeah, I mean there there's more to it as well but I think that probably gives a good summary of all of it.
Britta Blanski :
Yeah, well, I was just curious, 'cause I was thinking, you know, maybe someone's thinking like, yeah, I'm going to work with Angelo and then all of a sudden, you know, I'm going to make this most amazing goal that I never even thought was possible for myself but I have a feeling that you're probably like, no, that's actually not what I help you with. I'm not there to tell you like, OK, we're going to make your goal that much bigger and make it feel that much better when you get there, but it's kind of deconstructing everything, so. What is one of the first things that you do start with when someone's like, OK, I'm stuck, but I don't even really know necessarily what I want since I know that whatever goal I set, I will achieve, you know, and it's not enough. So where do you kind of like what's the approach that you take where like, OK, I hear you and I see you and you are stuck, but like what's step one? Is it just like figuring out what do you actually want in life what if someone's like, I don't know, like you're like you're gonna By the time you're done working with me, you will have quit your job. Someone might be afraid of that too, right?
Angelo Melchiorre :
Yeah yeah, totally. So, yeah, The people that I've hooked to so far, it's, you know, the language they typically use when they reach out to me is and in my messaging, what strikes them is they say, hey, like you talk a lot about being stuck you talk a lot about our inner critic and posture syndrome. I'm feeling that and I just felt compelled to reach out to you. I don't even really know exactly, you know what I want and it's, you know, clients thing and people just, you know, they think they know what they want so what so I let them start, OK. Because everyone has these goals, You know, we think we should achieve. So I'm not here, you know, an initial console or you know, first week to kind of just erase all your goals, you know, because I want to hear from them exactly like what is it? Ok And there's always something behind it like I want to find the why behind that goal because goals honestly I think we all have a goal problem and we have too many and you know we have we just have this list of goals that we have to achieve by the end of the year, all our New Year's resolutions and we think that when we get these goals we'll be happy. And then as soon as we miss it, you know, we start, you know, we're judging ourselves and you know, we're, you know, back to the same old US that's, you know, really on autopilot. So I just let them talk. I'm there to listen in our consultations just to understand their story and figure out like, well, what is it like, what really resonated with them? Because my clients are all a past version of me. That's who I'm marketing to. It's somebody who was me a year or two ago and doesn't matter what age they are because, you know, we all progressed through at different times in life so age doesn't matter. Ok. And when I know what made them resonate, then I can just put myself in their shoes it's easy to empathize with them because I am them and they are me, so I can walk them through, OK, hey, I truly understand what you're going through. And when I work with people, it's not like, again, they have these goals they want to work through, right? But what I tell them, you know, after like a session or two is that like, I know they have an amazing story to tell and they are completely unique and they have a lot to offer like I have that connection with my clients, like, and it's the story of just who they really are. And I say that it's bringing them out to the world because the goals that we would set right now, right like in the future, they would look silly because it's all about becoming right and I, one of my coaches, you know, put it this way, where it's, you know, you we make our goals from our future self, right, with laugh at the goals that we have set, you know, from our present. And there's this thing called psychological flexibility with Doctor Benjamin Hardy it dives deep into a lot, too, where you know if you can use your future self to frame your present and you use your present self to frame your past, that's how you can achieve massive results. So it's no longer just sitting here like, 'cause you don't know what you're capable of yet in your present self if you only make goals based off your present self, you're very limited there's a feeling there because you don't. You don't you haven't achieved, you have you haven't learned new skills yet so it's only with the tools you have right now and the knowledge. So, like, I'm helping people just unlock that potential so they can see there that there's more out there for them and get them to believe it and all of those stories they tell themselves, it's self-limiting beliefs And I'm not looking to pull people out of corporate and make them go the entrepreneurial route that's not the point it's, you know, I want them to not survive i want them to thrive and no matter the environment they're in, OK, So whether it's, you know, recruiting, which I was in, they're in a sales environment. You know, one of my clients who's honestly is a stay at home mom, right and I'm about to put her testimony up on LinkedIn soon like, you know, she was saying it's you know, Angelo's really helping me see who I am because I lost that I didn't have my identity i had a great professional career and being a stay home mom, she lost that identity and confidence and didn't really know who she was and I helped bring that out in her so now she's on a trajectory of, you know, she's on a path for herself now. And I'm there with clients to, like, help that be side by side with them, to help them figure it out because it's our friends, our family they're just going to tell us what we want to hear, you know but you know, when you hire a coach, we're going to tell you what you need to hear, right and especially if you're paying for a coach too, Like you're going to do the work because you don't want to be that person who paid and didn't do the work and then just completely wasted your money.
Britta Blanski :
Right otherwise you would just keep watching videos on you. Tik tok videos.
Angelo Melchiorre :
Oh, exactly. There's always another podcast, another book. And you know, that's why I tell people I said, look, if you don't really need me, OK, you got to want me. But let me tell you, if you could have gotten where you wanted to go just by reading the podcast and the books, we won't be on this call, OK?
Britta Blanski :
Right, exactly well, I think you gave a really good example of the mom to the stay at home mom so I
was going to ask really what is the difference between? Surviving and thriving, like obviously, like, we say that and we know what it means like if you were going to define like paint a picture of someone who's currently surviving and I think maybe you think of the stay at home mom, you can picture that, you know, who knows how many kids she has and she's trying to do all the chores or whatever. But someone maybe who's not a stay at home mom, you know, and they are working. Like and you had mentioned before maybe they want to spend more time with their family but kind of more generically like how would you paint the picture, what it looks like to be surviving that maybe you don't realize that you're in a state of survival until someone tells you look like you're, you know, this is not thriving so kind of, you know then what does it look to thrive? How, you know, can you paint those two pictures and how they're different and how that's applicable to really anyone, anywhere, regardless if there's the stay at home mom or if they're. Someone you know up in corporate.
Angelo Melchiorre :
Yeah, sure. The most people that I can relate with right now on this, I would say that might be the majority of people who would see this is anyone in a sales profession because that costs a very, you know, wide net. And then I can try and relate it to anyone in the corporate world. But in sales environments, surviving would look like this like all you're living for right now is to meet your quota and to hit your metrics. And every single day you feel that pressure, you feel that stress. You go back to 0 every day. You hit your metrics one week you feel great. The next week you hit it you're at a, you know, all time low and you think you can't possibly do it again. You know, maybe you had President's Club or rookie club awards, and again, you're on top of the world and then it goes back to, you know, it's a tough market where, you know, you just hit a rut and, you know, you get the paychecks and you're happy for, you know, a minute and you just completely lose sight of it, where it starts to just to become just a job and you don't see any purpose in it. You think, well, I'm just doing this to pay the bills. Trust me when I say that i would challenge anyone there's probably at least some sense of purpose you can find, like we all have a purpose, but it doesn't mean that you have to be on this fantastic, amazing journey and doing you know exactly what you want to do. I can say, you know, like for me in my recruiting world, after I got to a certain point, like I was very misaligned with the industry where I just didn't like the business and operations side of it i love the people side, working with candidates, working with my team. But the behind the scenes business stuff and like where my career was going was senior leadership and that which is removing me from, you know, having the bigger teams and coaching and being with candidates i didn't like that and that might as well that was my purpose, leading coaching so like, I didn't have the Sunday Scary's anymore once I realized that OK, I'm meant to lead and coach this is what I love to do. I may not like the meetings that you know, at times I would say like are pointless and meeting less and you know all the reports I would have to do, you know, this and that. I didn't like that stuff. And sure, like there's times where I felt it like bogged me down but when I got to the mindset of my purpose is a lead to hand coaching and I can do that in any industry but right now I am in the staffing and recruiting industry. So every day I come to work, I'm here to pour myself into my team. That is my purpose everything else is part of the job and I need to accept that is to get into neutral not that toxic positivity that yes, I love meetings, you know, I love reports so that allowed me to go from just surviving to thriving because I actually felt my purpose in my daily job so anyone listening right now, no matter you know the setting that you're in, I have this exercise I would encourage you to do is just write down all of your thoughts about work, every single thing you can think of. And then what feeling or emotion does that thought give you can circle the ones that would be the, you know, quote, unquote you know, negative emotions, you know if it makes you frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, you know, upset, you know, and ask yourself why, OK, is it? And ultimately you keep asking why why until you land on something you're like, oh like I don't feel valued, right and maybe that ties like your paycheck or you know, you're working so hard and then you know your bonus was only X amount you're like or I'm not getting all the opportunities I want and it's like, well, what does that mean why does that make you upset and, you know, ultimately it's because, and maybe you don't feel valued in it, OK but that's one list you can dive deeper into to help give yourself a greater understanding. But look at that list for all the, you know, positive emotions in there, there's definitely got to be certain things that make you happy or, you know, fill you up, give you a little bit more energy. And then your purpose lies somewhere in there in your job and you can say, oh, you know what I really do love, you know, say you're in marketing it's like, I just, I love writing, OK and it may not be the creative writing that I want to do because, you know, this industry, maybe even pharmaceuticals and you know, that's not really like, you know, something that I love to do. But I love writing so, like, that's my purpose so I can be as creative as I can within, you know, the confines of my role now. And guess what? I'm going to fuel that creative purpose by doing something outside of work. Maybe I'm going to start writing on LinkedIn and creating content and now you're, you know, fueling your passion and your purpose that way so when you go to work like you're already feeling a little more fulfilled and now you can really like see yourself in that and just focus more on that with the things that were on that negative emotion list. It's OK well, these are just required parts of the job, and if I do that, I can do more of what I really enjoy to do. And if you don't have anything positive on that list, well, probably just need to find another job at that point, honestly yeah well, I, you know, I think you just answered my next question because I was going to say on the flip side of that, you know, like you said, you work with high performers, but if there was someone who's just kind of like, you know, like whatever happens, like I'm OK with, you know, like I'm. You know, whatever like this is my job and you know, whatever it's totally like the opposite of a high performer. I was going to say what you know, how could they go from surviving to thriving when they feel stuck because maybe they feel like they're lacking, You know, like I need more ambition or maybe I should be more of a high performer but I think, unless you want to add to it, But I feel like what you just said is an awesome exercise for everyone to do about any situation in which they're feeling you know what why is it that I'm feeling this? Unless you feel like you have maybe a different approach to someone who's like that. I'm just like going with the flow whatever happens and but yet I'm still like not necessarily happy with where I am.
Angelo Melchiorre :
Yeah, no, I would. I would use that exercise it's really valuable it doesn't matter if you're a high
performer or not. It's something I've given out to multiple people to just kind of figure it out. And there's this thing with, you know, job seeking i say like don't leave your job until you know you love your job. Maybe you don't love it, but at least until you start to like kind of like it or like really like it because people, you know, they're like, i don't know, okay and what happens they find another job and those same things they thought they were getting away from just happens again because you guess what by my post you know today on Monday, the problem's never the problem the problem is you. And the problem is our thinking and we can't get out of our own way and we can't get out of our own way and so we are aware of it. And again we go into observation mode once we identify that, then we can really see like I was, I was talking to someone recently and it was about, you know, i have all the skills and abilities, but I'm not really getting the opportunities for, you know, advancement and we didn't have a deep conversation in it but you know, my two. Cents on it, because I've talked to a lot of people like that before, is, you know, they say they, you know, have all the skills and experience, but you know, whether maybe they're not believing it or they're like resentful because they're not getting it, those opportunities so then you know, again, our thoughts create feelings and drive action so if you're frustrated because you're not getting those opportunities, well, like your actions aren't going to speak like you want them to speak, OK, your managers and leaders will start to see like, well, like this person doesn't care, right they're not putting their best foot forward, OK they want leadership but they're not showing it and you can find your so you can relate that to like to many different areas so it's you know you can use that exercise now to you know it's like finding the why with the you know the negative emotion side and then it can help you look at it from a different like because it's you know you're just you're zooming out a little bit.
Britta Blanski :
Yeah, so good well, to end on that note, if there's someone who's like, OK, well, Angelo was totally speaking to me like, I'm totally stuck i need help i need to dive into my mindset i know that. Where can they reach you where can they find you how can they work with you what do you have for them?
Angelo Melchiorre :
All right, so LinkedIn, I'm all over it every single day I'm posting content. I like putting videos out consistently so people really get a sense of knowing me. So when I have consultations, you know, most of the time people are saying I feel like I already know you because of the way you write and the way that you speak in your videos and like you said you could, you could feel my energy so what so I'm big on that. The main thing I'll do is work one-on-one with clients and everything is tied to mindset so no matter what we do and working together, mindset is the foundation of everything so if you're looking to get unstuck and you're looking to take that next step, call me right like we'll set up a consultation or just say DM me right i don't have my phone number on LinkedIn and we can just see, you know, where you're at and you know, I'm a no pressure guy, so I don't actively look to the cell on consultations if someone's not a fit, I'm gonna tell them they're not a fit and I've turned people away before because I wanna make sure that it is a mutually beneficial relationship between the two of us i'm not just trying to collect money from people, you know, I really wanna partner and guide folks so. You know, you'll get a really good sense of my style from my LinkedIn content but I do have a 45 minute free consultation, one-on-one to be able to discuss that you know even further. And you know, along with the mindset, work what makes me unique is, you know, say you're looking for career development or you're looking for you know a new job, but you know, you know it's I don't remember my mindset first, OK, being in recruiting for the last decade. You know, I have that career coach hat so like I'm I am not new to that. So I treat it as like someone I'm working with right now we're working on mindset and then we're getting into career development and personal branding work with him as well. And it's going to be awesome to get to and you know, help people that way. So I just encourage people to shoot me Adm and we'll chat.
Britta Blanski :
Awesome, thank you and do you currently have a website right now or is just LinkedIn the go to place?
Angelo Melchiorre :
Linkedin's a go to place i do have a landing page that I use, but most of my stuff's on LinkedIn.
Britta Blanski :
Ok, awesome well, thank you so much for sharing your insight and perspective and I'm just something to feel that you were here today. So thanks so much, Angelo.
Britta Blanski :
Thanks, Britta appreciate it.